Why you must love yourself first


“If you don’t love yourself, how can you expect anybody else to love you?”

Everybody is out there trying to find that true love. To some it comes easy, to others it feels virtually impossible. But what is the difference? What is the difference between those that find true connection almost instantly and those that are just longing for a partner?

Well… I think it has a lot to do with self-love.

It is usually those with the deepest lack of self love that find themselves with the poorest love lives whether that is being involved in an unhealthy relationship or just single and desperately seeking companionship (and let me tell you, I know from personal experience).

It seems cruel, because those that do not love themselves are those that so desperately need to be loved. But it doesn’t work like that. Why?

Firstly, because what you are, what you feel and what you think is what you attract. This is why people which frequently have negative thoughts about themselves will attract people into their lives which are of a ‘vibrational’ match to them. They could attract an unhealthy relationship which isn’t based on true love, but based on possessiveness, ego, dependency etc OR they could attract literally no one. As in sat on the shelf, wondering why nobody will love them – WHEN THEY WON’T EVEN LOVE THEMSELVES!!

All the while, this principal of what you are is what you attract works just as well for a person with a true love for themselves. If you are emanating in self-love, you’re going to attract a partner that feels the same – within their own self and about you! Why? Well for a start, you won’t be attracting people from a place of desperation or neediness. You’ll be attracting them from a place of I AM AMAZING, I can’t wait to meet another person who is amazing like me! From this place, there will be no need to settle for a relationship that is unhealthy or just doesn’t feel right, because you know you will be completely fine on your own, knowing that you are deserving of the next great thing around the corner.

There’s something super attractive about a person that is just truly comfortable in their own skin. When a person loves themself, love just beams out of them in every way. They are confident, kind, happy, loving and just generally a pleasure to be around. A lot of people with the negative self talk are hoping that they will be saved by a person like this. The thing is, when people are not in a place of self love, they will subconsciously reject this type of person. This could be by instantly thinking “I’m not good enough” and just not talking to this person because obviously they won’t be interested. Actually they are just rejecting themselves before they have even been rejected. OR they could just talk down about this person – they are ‘too happy’, ‘too confident’ or ‘too’ something. If you reject someone first, you can’t be rejected, hey, hey, hey.

Basically, it leaves these people lacking in self love in a vicious cycle, of hopping from loneliness to unhealthy relationship, with no idea why the world is being so cruel to them. Yet, the solution is so simple……

LOVE YOURSELF FIRST. If you’re single and thinking, why does nobody like me? Just take a look at if you’re liking yourself first. If you’re in a relationship and you know something is not right, have a think about what might not be right in your own self. If you noticed something you didn’t like, change it! Make a conscious effort to love yourself more. How to love yourself is a whole other blog post, which I am going to be posting up pretty soon but there is tonnes of info in the form of blogs, books and youtube videos which can help. So go ahead, love yourself first and watch the magic happen.

Image: http://www.life-happens.co.uk

Gratitude Diary #4

Day 4 of gratitude Diary… Anyone reading this, please feel free to join in, on your blog or in your notebook… Here goes! My 3 things I am grateful for today:

1. I am extremely grateful that here in England, we have an unlimited supply of clean running water to drink and bathe in. I am currently running myself a hot bath surrounded by candles and I am so thankful for the opportunity to do that!

2. I am grateful for that fact that I have got money in the bank. I have enough for everything that I NEED in life and even more luxuries. I am so fortunate as many people in this world are living below the poverty line.

3. I am grateful for the delicious roast dinner which is currently being cooked for me by my mum. She is such a good cook and roast dinners are on of my favourites!

Make your Mess your Message

Image result for problems in life

‘Make your mess your message’ was a very powerful quote I came across this morning whilst reading ‘Now or Never – your epic life in 5 steps’ by Preston Smiles and Alexi Panos.

So often, our ‘mess’ or problems in life are used for excuses as to why we can’t be living the lives that we want to. From this, we feel stuck and from feeling stuck we feel frustrated and a downward spiral of negative emotions manifests.

And this got me thinking, what if we were to look at our mess in a different way?

We are quick to complain about the problems in our lives, but what if actually they are not put there to prevent us from achieving, but to teach us mastery and wisdom? Mastery and wisdom which can then be passed on to others, to improve the quality of their lives too.

What if that’s why we all have different problems to overcome? So that between the collective, we can master what it means to be human?

Imagine if this happened, the world would be a much more beautiful place to live in. If everyone took their negatives and transmuted them into something positive, there would be no room for anxiety, depression, violence, greed, power.

Not only this, if we removed the problems of the self, we could spend more time focusing on global issues. Collectively, we could solve problems related to poverty, hunger, disease, extinction, the environment and more.

Knowingly, believing that our problems were chosen for us would mean that there is a force higher than ourselves out there and this is not something that resonates with everyone. Some would even call me an idealist for writing about such words. However, there is still something to be taken from this post for everybody. Focusing on the mastery of our problems will always be more effective than complaining about them.

So next time you are faced with some mess, why not over come it and make it your message.

Image: http://www.thelifedesignproject.com





Gratitude Diary #3

So it’s that time again, Gratitude Diary #3. For anyone who doesn’t know, I’m positing up daily 3 things that I am grateful for in order to inspire others to do the same! Here goes:

1. Thank you for the weekend! I now have 2 whole days to focus on myself and do whatever I’d like! I love having a little lie in on a Saturday, cooking up a nice breakfast and heading off the the gym. I am thankful for the time and resources I have to do this.

2. Thank you for my cat who makes me laugh and always cheers me up if I’m down. I love her so much.

3. Thank you for the freedom I have being a woman in England at this time. The gap is closing on gender inequalities and right now women are succeeding in all walks of life! I am thankful to be a part of this time.

Gratitude Diary #2

If you want to do anything to add value to the quality of your day today, then sit down and write down 3 things that you’re truly grateful for. You’re going to start your day on a high and the positivity will keep flowing! Here’s mine:
1. Thank you for the fact that my work is flexible, I needed an extra hour in bed this morning and that’s what I gave myself. I did that without having to worry that I’d be late for work. I love having the freedom of flexibility.

2. Thank you for my mum leaving me a juice in the fridge which contains basically all the fruit and veg in the house, great way to start my day with good foods!

3. Thank you for that fact that I have enough money in the bank to afford life’s luxuries such as booking a holiday, new clothes, etc. I am lucky to be able to buy everything I need and more!